Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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