He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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