so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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