Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
