mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
