R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
