Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
