Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
