Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
