Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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