she peed on how many people?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
