guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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