to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
