omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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