Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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