I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
As shirtless as possible
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
