You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
