Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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