she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
