I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
