ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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