go do what you do best...puke behind churches
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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