we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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