he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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