I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
