I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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