pedialite and red bull = repair kit
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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