Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
