Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
