I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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