i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
