I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
