Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
