I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
