Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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