Four minutes until I can fart!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A+ Viking dick
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
