okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize