my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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