i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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