Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
