I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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