oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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