my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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