He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
