btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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