Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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