she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize