Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
