Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
