so that wasnt chicken after all
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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