one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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