I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Never underestimate the power of titties
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
