Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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