Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
