I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
