is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
