my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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