I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
