it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
