If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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