i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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