You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
