I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
