Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize