guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're making bets on your personal life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
