If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
someone owes me an orgasm
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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