alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My bed smells like the plague
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
